I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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