guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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