apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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