Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
