overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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