just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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