filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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