i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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