im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
