I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
