Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
