my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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