he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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