Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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