...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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