She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
