from now on my penis is your penis
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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