The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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