ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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