I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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