the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
