Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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