this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
