We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
