He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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