i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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