So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
