people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
