i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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