Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
