I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
