Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There r osticjed everywhere
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
