airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
