Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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