was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
