if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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