well you can't waste a boner
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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