i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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