she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
