is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
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You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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