i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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