How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
