those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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