Whod you bang
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
