I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
