don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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