if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Come see our sink grown plant.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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