Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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