hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize