i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
