what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
