the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
