apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
