stop calling my apartment porn island.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
