Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
