So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
