I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
