i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
