We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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