My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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