we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
