1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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