I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
