I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
that's an acceptable place to lick
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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