My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
