just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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