Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
