she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
