explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
