Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
