y did u give ur computer a hand job?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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