Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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