I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
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YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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