You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
