those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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