is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
