Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
