So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
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Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
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At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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