He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
