Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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