So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
